Dear Parents of Trans Youth

From elsewhere on this site:

Percentage of people with baggage related to their sexuality or gender is only about one hundred and ninety percent of humanity. Or maybe 2000 percent. I forget which.

I was molested as a child. I specifically was a victim of incest, which is especially nasty stuff.

I first did therapy in my teens prior to ever getting married. It took me a LOT of years to get over my baggage, but I started working on it well before I had a child in my early twenties.

In addition to this POINTLESS WASTE of MY time, I also run a parenting site and here is a post about figuring out how to talk to my first child Honestly about him being born seven years ahead of schedule without being hurtful to him about it. My ex-husband used to tell people "We forgot to invite the children to the planning meeting. They didn't get the memo."

And here's another about generally learning to put down my mountains of baggage and not dump on my kids.

My hand wavy understanding is DNA is sort of two RNA welded together. So your genes are basically made up of the same stuff as viruses.

I used to tell my kids that genes are like viruses and, like the flu or common cold, they don't care how miserable they make you in their quest to reproduce.

My kids were a REAL handful, probably WORSE than yours. I was a full-time MOM with no paid job and was chronically short of sleep the first seven years of my first child's life.

When I was pregnant with his younger brother, a friend of mine with THREE little rug rats under age five took him home with her one night in a "I'm not ASKING. I'm TELLING you." fashion so I could SLEEP. That one night of sleeping until noon made the ENTIRE rest of my pregnancy easier.

You probably DON'T have worse emotional baggage about your sexuality than I have. You're just behind on sorting because while I was obsessively WORKING on my shit as my ENTIRE thing in life, you are probably doing stupid shit like watching football.

Because for YOU, this is probably not LIFE THREATENING emotional baggage and you probably feel okay with enjoying life, rather than compelled at gun point from age sixteen to get your shit together or DIE trying because the other alternative is suicide.

I was suicidal for I think over four decades before that resolved.

And then dummy that you are, you had a CHILD. And odds are high that YOU, like ME, weren't REALLY trying to reproduce. 

You were just trying to have a good time. And now you have a walking, talking CONSTANT aggravating reminder of every stupid thing that BOTHERS you about YOURSELF.

Rest assured, your child is not going "Hey, Mom! Dad! My AGAB doesn't seem RIGHT to me." to embarrass you in front of your bigoted family or coworkers.

I ALREADY did substantial therapy and reading up on my problems blah blah blah before having kids and my policy was:

I usually got with the woman in the mirror when my kids were a problem. Parents set the example and kids follow suit. Actions speak louder than words. It generally doesn't work to lecture them and say "Do as I say, not as I do."

If you have a child who thinks they are or might be trans, I think it's a MEDICAL condition and you should try to deal with it as such.

Every single conservative old fashioned not sexed up DANCE on the planet was SCANDALOUS and TOO SEXY at the time it was invented. Most parents have a COW at some point about the RIDICULOUS and offensive haircut or outfit their kid wants to wear.

That's NOT a trans thing and IF any rock star ever reads this site, they will probably BE OFFENDED that I'm like "Yeah, male rock stars have long hair and get crabbed at by their parents over it." Because they ALSO don't want to be compared to trans people. How DARE I!

I didn't do that to my kids. I'm a pretty laid back Mom. My mother was a different story: Grandma, Get New Material.