Performative Allies
Performative Allies
I don't know why you're reading this site. If you think I'm your ally, why? I've never met you.
If you think I'm performing allyship, get off my lawn.
One of the comments talks about trans women talking about sexual assault and cis women saying "welcome to womanhood."
I've talked about this in a few places: Trans women seem to be eager to dress like a girl and cis women frequently have much more mixed feelings about it. And Genevieve was able to get support from well off business men in our social circle and I was not because she was a troubled trans youth and they could help her without anyone assuming they were having an affair with her and they couldn't do the same for me without cutting their own throat, so everyone just stepped over my body in the gutter and went "Sucks to be her. Not my problem."
Some posts I've written that touch on that or on opinions rooted in those experiences:
Genevieve was molested and we had a private relationship and I'm someone who was molested long ago and I did talk to her about how it was, in some sense, validation of her gender identity and that being a woman isn't all upside and it helped her enormously to put down some of her baggage.
Random strangers saying "welcome to womanhood" as a reply to trans women looking for support after trauma probably aren't being kind like I was being to Genevieve. They are probably angry that AMAB people feel so entitled and willing to go after their hopes and dreams and imagine that life will be so much better as a woman and may well in fact be happier as a woman while cis women get walked all over by society on a routine basis and hate it and may be baffled that you would want what we have, which routinely includes:
1. Sexual harassment.
2. Sexual assault.
3. Being treated like nothing but a piece of ass by men who want sex and will gleefully and casually ruin our lives to get it.
Men looking for sex frequently will insist that if she turns up unexpectedly pregnant, she should get an abortion and this is not his problem. I heard a married man say about his WIFE in front of me "I poked fun at you and you took it seriously."
I used to try to joke "I have sex with men who have sex with me." and never figured out how to get people to understand my POINT nor even make it giggle worthy.
My point: The default norm is men USE women for sex like a sock to cum in. They often have no concept whatsoever that they should satisfy her sexual needs in exchange for her satisfying theirs.
AMAB trans people frequently feel entitled to pursue their goals and have the knowledge about how one does that and cis women are often raised with neither the concept that they have a right to go after things they want in life nor the mental framework for HOW one does that and THIS is probably the reason you mostly hear about trans women: because trans men are AFAB and as "girls" no one tells them they have any right to pursue what they WANT in life much less how one fucking does that.
Most women get told from birth:
1. Your highest goal in life is to marry well and good girls don't pick a rich man to pursue for his money. Good girls fall in love and marry for love, not money.
2. Men initiate. Women only say yes or no and we get little to no instruction in deciding whom to say yes or no to and why we should say yes or why we should say no.
3. At work, it's common for doors to close because some guy found us attractive. You can be CELIBATE for medical reasons for over two decades and everyone else thinks you are still nothing but a piece of ass and doesn't want to take you seriously as a professional pursuing a career and doesn't want to PAY you, etc. Simply BEING female can make it impossible to succeed in a career and adequately support yourself no matter what YOU choose to do or how serious you are about your career aspirations, etc.
I'm not your "ally" because I'm not your bitch and I have ZERO plans to play a role in your narcissistic fantasy that life is all about YOU and what YOU want and planet Earth is supposed to cater to your personal fulfillment. And I don't really want to HEAR this SHIT because I'm pretty fucking sure Donald Trump is exactly like that and thinks he's the only person on the planet who matters and he's trying to exterminate trans people to serve his fucked up narcissistic BULLSHIT that probably involves being an emotional castrata and probably a closeted gay guy rather than get therapy and sort HIS SHIT.
I'm a scientist who figured out a radical new way to think about medical health because I have a deadly genetic disorder classified as a Dread Disease. It is called that because what it does to your life and future is horrifying. I strongly suspect a lot of people with my condition commit suicide with plausible deniability via "medical complications of their most recent surgery."
If my work improves your life and you are a decent human being, you should PAY ME for improving your life and not spend time wondering if I'm an ally or a performative ally or some bullshit that somehow justifies treating me like slave labor while talking trash about me for doing something that HELPS you.